It's OK to be defeated, as long as we don't remain defeated.
Most if not all Bible characters, even Jesus, went through defeat. Why wouldn't I then.

Have I forgotten 'The greater the calling, the deeper the waters'.
Sometimes I rather sink than swim in this deep waters.
But walking in the calling doesn't exclude failures. They come together, almost guaranteed.
Thing is, am I sure of this 'calling' in the first place.

Learning to accept and to deal with failures. It kinda sucks. Big time. Never knew I'm so...weak.

Knowing that the path is only going to get tougher and tougher, and tougher, when I so anticipate the sun to shine soon and shine forever, I wonder if I'm on the right track if I can't even handle the now. I wonder if there's a U-turn. and if I should ever take that.

What is Siau Ying really meant for? . . . . .


My soul melts from heaviness; strengthen me according to Your word.
[Psalm 119:28]

Thanks for doing just that.

We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us.
[2 Corinthians 8:10]

It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes. [Psalm 119:71]

He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor the arrow that flies by day. [Psalm 92:4-5]

You rule the raging seas; when its waves rise, You still them. [Psalm 89:9]

Do not fret - it only causes harm. [Psalm 37:8]

Be still, and know that I am God. [Psalm 46:10]

He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;
For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. [Psalm 23:2-4]


Now, let Your Word be not just words.